a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
