lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
