Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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