do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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