I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
