pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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