im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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