I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
