I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
