How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
