You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
