So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
