I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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