Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
love makes seman taste better
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
