What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
