Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
