The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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