what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
