I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
