I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
