Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
