...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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