Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
