so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Randomize
