I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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