We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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