two words: eviction party
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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