i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
