he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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