If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
