Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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