I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
