guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
