you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
