And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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