the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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