the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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