Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
