She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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