Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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