i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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