i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
