I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
