Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
