And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
