I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
