you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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