How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
