That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
