that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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