They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
